Does Facebook make me a Narcissist?

The other day I went out to the library to look at magazines when I came across a copy of Psychology Today (July 2011 edition) with the article “How to Spot A Narcissist” advertised on the front cover.

I find psychology and sociology quite interesting; how people think and why we act the way we do is probably the only piece of science that actually interests me. Narcissism I find is such a common characteristic in people these days, with the rapid advancement of social technologies like Facebook and Twitter, it seems as though we are all putting ourselves in the limelight and praising our own existence. But when does it become too much? And what is too much? How do we know if we are real narcissists or if we are just natural over-sharers and extroverted?  I signed out the magazine to try and find out.

This article gave good insight on the differences between being naturally extroverted and narcissism. Sometimes I wonder if I am a narcissist because I do like posting frequently on facebook, I like attention and I enjoy making myself look good (hair, makeup, fitness). But narcissism, from what I read,  goes deeper than that. We all have narcissistic traits, but real narcissists are people who have more self esteem and exhibit more arrogance than the average extrovert.   

Narcissists are all about maintaining power. They want to be dominant at all times while making sure everyone around them is praising their presence. They become easily hurt when someone comments on their appearance or likability. The article explains how sometimes it can be hard to really identify a narcissist because they are very charming. It is only after associating with them for a longer period of time that you begin to see their true colours of power-hunger, selfishness and vanity.

“It appears that narcissists seek out people who maintain their high positive self-image, at the same time intentionally avoiding and putting down people who may give them a harsh dose of realism. "Seeking admiration is like a drug for narcissists," notes Back. "In the long run it becomes difficult because others won't applaud them, so they always have to search for new acquaintances from whom they get the next fix."

I found this piece of information to be quite interesting. Narcissists do not appreciate people who are not part of their “fan club”. It is funny how they mention realism, as in my last post of dreamers and realists; I think the narcissist would fall under the category of a dreamer. They do not appreciate realistic views about themselves, shutting those ideas and criticisms out, thus creating a dream like world for the narcissist.

Is it possible to be a leader, or a rock star, or a CEO in a company without being a narcissist? To some degree, these types of people need confidence but the difference between being confident and being narcissistic is the narcissist’s constant need of social approval.  I think a CEO can be a leader and confident but at the same time, not care about being likeable.

So, how can you spot a real narcissist? The article lists these traits to be on the lookout for!

Signs of a Stealth Narcissist

Flashy clothing and sky-high confidence are the "public" face of narcissism. Here are a few additional cues, some contradictory, in keeping with the narcissist's paradoxical nature.

1. Bragging about one's perfect family (no one's family is perfect).
2. Hypergenerosity in public to demonstrate that one has power, but coldness once the camera is off.
3. Hypersensitive and insecure. This includes imagining criticism where it doesn't exist and getting depressed by perceived criticism."Vulnerable" narcissists are self-centered and overly defensive.
4. Prone to a vast array of negative emotions including depression, anxiety, self-consciousness, and shame owing to not being given their "due." Such feelings can be an indication of egocentricity and self-absorption.
5. Repeatedly puts down other people, especially inferiors and strangers. Loves to talk about him or herself and mentions others mainly to name-drop.

Perhaps narcissism is something that can be controlled once recognized, like a bad temper. I often wonder if narcissists know they are narcissistic, and if they do, do they even care about the way they are perceived?

The article goes into further detail about how people become narcissistic, and relates it back to upbringing and family life. I found it interesting when they say it can come from a combination of two extremes of parenting: overbearing and protective and neglectful and cold.  This sadly has negative repercussions on narcissist’s relationships and sex life, including instability, boredom and promiscuity. The narcissist likes the feeling of being wanted, so that in itself is enough for them and do not feel the need of pursuing anything further.

The article concludes with a sort of “self help” to people who are in-love with a narcissist. The bottom line: Get out while you can! The detrimental effects this type of person can have on someone’s emotional well being is not worth it, unless they are willing to get help.

To read the full article, click here!

What are your thoughts?

*Please note I am not a psychology expert. This is my recap of the article and my own personal thoughts on this personality disorder.